Me: bla bla.. Still on medication for throat infection.. bla bla bla.. Not completed my course of antibiotics.
Doc: O. in that case, you stop that course of antibiotics, and i'll give you another course - for your eyes.
Me: O....................................................... okay.
(Alot more talking.)
Me: So i can still go to school as usual? There's nothing i cannot do right?
Doc: NO. You cannot go out, Cause Conjunc can spread, its contagious. i think 3 days of rest is enough.
Me: O......................................................... okay.
DARN. i really really really don't wanna miss school anymore. so i've just decided. i'm going to school tmr. and i shall warn everyone not to touch their eyes before washing their hands. i don't want my conjunc to spread.
Anyway. Today. i thought it would be safer for me to stay home. so i did. missed church :(
I had nothing to do. so i randomly dragged out my photo albums and started flipping through. I saw.
Many pictures. Pictures of my mum. My dad. myself. my brother. my dog. my GrandmaS. my cousins. and everyone else.
And i just started reminiscing. i realised i miss my mum so much. its been 4, 5 years since she went home. and i know there were times i really missed her. i remembered, a few months after she passed away, and the aftermath was coming at my family full blast. i cried myself to sleep almost every night for a few weeks, hugging my bolster, missing my mummy's goodnight kisses, her laughs, her nagging, her hugs, her. i miss how she would switch off my bedroom lights, walk over to kiss me goodnight, and sometimes she'd lie with me on my bed till i fall asleep.
So. i was just sitting there in my living room with several stacks of dusty photo albums, and i started to cry to myself.
Then i came across photos of the first holiday we took as a family with my maternal aunt and her family. It was the first holiday without mummy. It was the holiday we all needed - to finally take a break, and catch our breaths. I didn't realise it was that particular holiday at first, and i was wondering, How come there aren't shots of my mum. and then it hit me. She was probably in the wind, messing up our hairs.
I was Fourteen when she passed away. Actually 13, she passed a month before my 14th birthday. God, i miss her. I was her Bahbah. and she gave me that name (to all you who call me Bahbah.).
And i'm quite relieved that not one person has ever said "i know how you feel" to me regarding this before. Because, if you haven't lost a mum, you don't know. I thank God i'm not one of those who can't talk about what happened or can't face the truth. I'm open :) if you wanna know more just ask. Its okay. And don't apologise. There's really nothing to be sorry about. Seriously.
Sometimes i think, if mummy didn't pass away. Everything would be different. Everything. But no, :) it was God's will. and i thank God for it. no that i want mummy to die. But, i'm seeing a teensy bit of God's big plan. And. God doesn't make mistakes. *phew*
I know. When people complain about their mummy-s. i know. sometimes mummy-s can be annoying. mine was too! (sometimes la.) (and sometimes i'd really really get angry with her.) but then She's your mummy :) i believe its a divine arrangement that she's your mother. So. you can get angry slash annoyed, whatever. At the end of the day, YOU KNOW nothings gonna change, She's still there. and She will be there. so Love her.
Me to mummy: Mummy i miss you so much. and i really really can't wait to see you again. You must remember me okay. Don't play with the clouds in heaven so much you forget me. I love you. -Bahbah.
