YOU SEE ME BUEY SONG RIGHT.

Don't look down on me, because i'm young, because i'm a girl, because i have big eyes. - whatever rubbish reason.

You don't wanna teach me - Fine.

One day i'll show you that I AM CAPABLE.

It makes a difference

Recently my brain has been caught up with a few stuff. Stuff thats not really worth my time and effort. Stuff that gets me in the Emo Spirit. Stuff that's not from God. So, last friday's Cell Group was really encouraging even though i wasn't feeling that good for most part of it. Anyhow, Aunt Shirley shared how she's getting into the habit of memorising Psalms. So i decided i'd try it too. And it makes a Difference :)

Lets hear part of mine:

Psalm 103

Let all that i am praise the Lord
With my whole heart, I will praise His holy name.

Let all that i am praise the Lord,
May i never forget the good things He does for me.

He forgives my sins,
He heals my diseases.
He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.

- then i can't remember the rest.


I was reading my bible on the bus to work, and i felt really happy. Its a joy that isn't natural - i think. And i just recalled that Psalm 103 was my mum's favourite Psalm <3

I miss mummy. Wish she was here.

Then, i reached Tuas. AND THE SKY WAS ALL GLOOMY.

THATS MY FAVOURITE KIND OF SKY. <3 Thank you Jesus.

My voiceless days

I love being voiceless. Especially when i force myself to sing, and my voice goes all over the place. Totally worth it.

The past few days have been.. different. In a sense, old people coming back, new people disappearing. At work, I've been learning alot. I thank God that the Pakciks at the warehouse are so merciful, for they never hesitate to teach me how they go about doing their work.

So, Thank you Pakciks!

And the office people have been really nice as well. Sibu is really comical, ChaiFong has been great in teaching me stuff and ordering lunch! The china ladies and Wilson are very nice too. I think i need to get to know Esther better. I thank God that Pakcik Moo is so patient. I think i've been quite irritating, asking him the same stuff over and over again. Lets hear some examples:

Me: Pakcik Moo! Philippines is what?

PM: PH (with a smile :) )

~

Me: Pakcik, Which one is the invoice number?

PM: This one (with smile :) )

~

Me: Pakcik Moo, this is local delivery right?

PM: Yes :)

Me: So no need to key in House Airway Bill and Permit number?

PM: Yes :)

~

If i were Pakcik Moo, i'd have ripped off my head. -


Anyhow, Last night i had a very real conversation. Part of which made me sad, the other part made me happy. But for most parts, i had no opinions - since its no-think day.
Nevertheless, the part that made me happy - was the part when you got serious.

And then there's a part that was very... HAAA?!? We were talking about indifference and how it irritates the hell out of me. And my impression was that you didn't care about anything at all.

You: I care about my parents.

Me: Okay. thats good. What else?

You: You.

-silence-

Me: Ha?

You: I care about you.

-more silence-

~

Then, i can't remember what came after the silence. I think it was talk about Sex Gods and Gurus. Thats the part i want to forget. Cheeeez.

2nd Chance

I want a second chance at this.

Gen, What have you done.

It's all i can think about.

And it's wrong. damn it, it's wrong.

I keep playing the moment over and over and over again in my head and i question myself, was it my fault? Well, it always takes two hands to clap, so i guess i am at fault anyway.

But am i repentant? No. I'm not. Thats why i'm not asking for forgiveness yet. As much as i enjoyed that moment, I feared it as well. But yet, i feel like i wanna do it again. Which is wrong - all over again.

Why, why is it making me think so much? It shouldn't. Because it didn't mean anything. But why? Perhaps it's because it's the first time i felt so vulnerable but yet safe at the same time.

You, you made me feel vulnerable and small. But then all you had to do was kiss my forehead and i feel like everything's gonna be alright. There were so many screenshots (per se) and i'm trying to hold on to every single one. Every single moment felt different. But you, Oh you, You were just like you were - several years ago.

I replay the scenes, over and over. And then i ask myself, Do i care about you? Of course. Do i love you? Maybe. Am i in love with you? No. No, I'm not in love with you.

I hate myself for allowing all that to happen. I hate you for making it happen. I hate us.

If you're reading this, stop guessing who i'm talking about, its not who you're thinking. This post is not for discussion. Don't try to comfort me, because what i need is a slap, not nice words of affirmation.

Some things... must be said.

Recently i just found out that:

1. My brother's perception of Logistics is that its all about counting trucks. I'm utterly disappointed - but i just can't be bothered to educate him because i feel like he doesn't even bother to listen. To have your brother think that all you do is count trucks (for a living) -really sucks. because it makes me feel so incompetent and silly. His perception makes me feel like he thinks whatever he's doing is better than what i'm doing. His perception of Logistics makes me feel like the 3 years that i've spent studying Logistics was a total waste of time. His perception of Logistics makes me feel like all my effort is redundant.

2. There's this person - that i miss. I really do. And trust me when i say i'm getting over him. The flesh is weak. And I. I miss him. Sometimes i'm fine, sometimes i think about him, and sometimes i just dwell on it a little longer than i should. It has come to a point where i have to delete every single trace of his number in my phone so that i don't have any means of initiating contact. No, i don't know his number by hard. And i just.... I'm trying. I really am. But i miss him.

3. I feel so lazy, I can't be bothered with a lot of stuff. Like.. the OSIP Presentation that Nat and i are supposed to do - not that i don't wanna do it, but Argh. Sorry Nat, No offence. I just wanna concentrate on work and learn my processes and operations. I'm skipping 2 days of work for this Presentation - which is alot of time off work. Not good. I, too, can't be bothered with... replying smses. I read smses, and i don't reply. I don't know why. I just don't. Work can be busy sometimes, granted. But sometimes, i just can't be bothered to reply. I'm sorry if i ignored your sms. I will reply if its important :)

trouble-some

Got also pek-chek. Don't have also pek-chek.

Since i got tagged.

Quiz Game rules: - I deleted the rules. Because i think they're stupid. If you have nothing to do (like me) then just do la!

Tagged by Keith

1.If your lover betrayed you, what will you do?
--> if he's my husband and he's repentant, i'd take my time to forgive and work on repairing our relationship. --> if he's my boyfriend, and he's repentant, i'd do the same as above. Otherwise, i'd cook him for dinner.

2.What will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
--> Avoid. For sure.

3.What will your dream wedding be like?
--> Small and simple. Hopefully by the beach. I'd make all guests come Hawaiian-themed.

4. What do you wish to have now?
--> God's peace, and His reign over my emotions. So they don't go fluttering around like a stupid moth.

5.What's your ideal lover's height?
--> Taller than me. Well, its hard to find someone shorter than me anyway. :)

6.Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
--> I think all the cliche lines always say both are blessed.. but i think honestly, being loved is definitely less difficult. but Loving someone is... a whole other level. Shouldn't be compared.

7.If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
--> I'd ask God if the feelings i'm feeling are from Him, if they're not, then i'd ask for Him to take them away. Quickly. :)

8.If the person you secretly like is already attached, would you wait?
--> Well. In the first place i won't set my eyes on someone who's attached.

9.What do you want most in life?
--> God's presence. In everything and anything.

10.Who is the most impt to you now?
--> Thats a tough one.

11.What kind of person are you?
--> I think most people think i'm nicer than i actually am. I'm not that nice. I'm quite mean actually.

12.If the person you secretly like cannot recognize you, what would you do/how would you react?
--> I'd give him some gingko nuts to help improve his memory.

13.Would u be devoted in a relationship?
--> Definitely. When i'm committed, i am committed.

14.If your lover & your best friend are trapped in the sea, you can only save one, the other will die, who will you save?
--> I'd make sure both can swim before i allow them to go out to sea. Otherwise, i'd dive in with them and then pray for dolphins to swim by and rescue us.

15.What types of friends you prefer?
--> People who get me. and allow me to get them - in the same sense. You get it? :)

I tag:

anyone who wants to do this. Its actually quite fun cause it makes your mind wander.

Yode-ley Yode-ley Yode-ley-hoo-hoo

So. I've got more interviews lined up. =_= I'm honestly more keen in Operations than HR. but, O well. Give it a shot.

Anyhow, yesterday night i had several chapters of weird dreams. Some were happy dreams, some were frightful nightmares. Although i can only remember two - one of each genre, i know i dreamt more. But they're just... lost - somewhere in the dark corners of my pea-brain.

Lets start off with the Frightful nightmare.

So i was at some primary school, running a camp - with the usual people, there's Ros, Melvin, Alex, Chengwei, and some others. The school campus was next to the beach - weird. It was the second day of the camp, and i checked the schedule to see what programme was next, turns out its the Main Item of the camp - an Amazing Race kind of game. And when i saw the schedule, i had a weird "flip" in my stomach, so i went to check my note book. Turns out, I was supposed to plan the entire game - which, you can predict, i didn't (Since its a 'Frightful Nightmare').

Anyway, in a moment of shock and anxiety, i decided to think of some games, and then brief my facilitators. *i know i thought of a few, but i can only remember one game.* I shall explain my atrocious game:

The main idea of the game is for the team members to guess the word being spelt out.
When two groups arrive at the station (set to be by the beach), each group will have to volunteer one person from their group. These two reps would then be told one secret word which they'd have to spell out to their group members. Here's the catch:

The reps would each be lying on the beach, and as they attempt to spell out the word, they would be tickled by the opposing team's members. So, picture with me, Rep A would be lying on the ground, tickled by Team B. Vice versa for Rep B and Team A. So amidst all the screaming and laughing, the reps would have to spell out the letters to the opposing team members who would be tickling the other rep.

Weird game. With no logic.

Anyhow, as i was about to gather my facilitators to brief them, I saw that they were already gathered by Melvin. And the worst thing was, they were all in white tops, and white long pants (apparantly the dress code that i didn't know exist) And it wasn't just normal white, it was NEON white - the kind of BRIIIGHT white. and i was in polo tee and jeans. So yea. I went to sit down with Melvin while the other Facils went away to set up their stations. And before he could say anything, i started crying. And Melvin stared at me, bewildered. And i thought he'd be angry and all that, but - turns out he forgot that i was supposed to plan the game - so he went ahead and planned it himself.

Why is this a Frightful Nightmare - i don't know. Don't question my logic. its MY logic.


Anyway, moving on to the other genre - my so-called Happy Dream.
It's actually a pretty long dream, but i only remember a snippet of it.

We (i shan't mention who's the other person i was with. hehehe.) were walking along Upper Serangoon Road. Its the route i used to walk when i was going to school - Zhonghua Sec. I've not been there for 3-4 years, so it's a pretty weird place to be appearing in my dreams.

Anyway, we were walking. And i remembered looking at his tan arms. then.

Him: Do you wanna hold hands?

Me: Mmm. Okay, i don't mind :)

*holds hands*



Thats it. Its such a rubbish dream.

Not good Not good.

As if a Viral Stomach Flu isn't enough, i have to learn that my Vestibular Nerves are Weak. That accounts for all my fainting and dizzy spells. Vestibular Neuronitis.

Arg. The headache isn't going away, probably because of the fainting spell i had yesterday. Everytime i stand up and walk my head throbs. So all i can do is lie down - which causes lethargy and inevitably leads to.. Naps.

I can't eat much, because everytime i do, my stomach churns and churns and churns and makes a whole lot of noise. And usually 5 minutes after i eat, my stomach feels hot - don't know what that feels like? Think diarrhoea. Its as if my stomach isn't happy with whatever i'm eating - even if its Milo and Crackers.

Okay. and to JONATHAN from TEMASEK POLY - LOM. PLEASE DON'T CALL ME AT 12.45am. >_<