When it hits you again, and again.

Ves-tee-bu-ler Niu-rhon-nye-tees


Stop calling me, please. I need rest. i really really really do.

Several Shout-outs. I really am shouting. Mentally.

I shall not be nasty, so i shan't say who these shout-outs are for. I feel like a badass today because my stomach has decided to be infected with a virus and flu, and the nausea and fever is giving me the urge to rip everyone's heads off.

1. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WHY CAN'T YOU EVER WASH THE DAMN TOILET. I FEEL LIKE TEARING OFF YOUR HEAD BECAUSE Ooops! Guess what? YOU USE THE SAME DANG TOILET TOO. SO ONCE IN A WHILE, BE NICE, AND WASH IT. (this one's obvious, but i don't care. Its time you learn to WASH THE TOILET.) I DON'T SEE WHY ITS SO DIFFICULT. EVEN YOUR NAUSEATED DIAHORREA-ED FEVERED IRRITATING AND IRRITATED SISTER CAN FREAKING DO IT WHEN SHE'S SICK. SUCK IT UP AND WASH THE DAMN TOILET. YOU MCP.

(turns to someone else)

2. YOU. Stop pretending like you know me so well. Sometimes i feel like just saying, "Sha-dup, sha-dup, sha-dup" BECAUSE I REALLY REALLY REALLY REAAAALLLLYYY ............ AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. I wish you would bugger off.

(turns to yet, someone else.)

3. AND YOU. STOP BELITTLING ME. STOP TRYING TO MAKE WHATEVER I DO SOUND SO TINY AND STUPID, BECAUSE DAMN IT, I CAN DO THINGS WELL. I AM NOT INCAPABLE.





If you think any of the above refers to you, please.. take action. By "Action", i don't mean clarifying if i was shouting at you. Just deal with it, and move on. Heck it, you don't even need to do anything about it, unless you really think its you. Because you don't live for me, you don't owe me anything. (THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO STATEMENT ONE. STATEMENT ONE DEMANDS ACTION - i.e. WASHING THE TOILET.)


I'm not YOUR world, you don't live for me. If you feel like ripping my head off, by all means DO IT. Because it might just make me feel better. If you think it doesn't concern you, then.. Have a nice day, you kind soul, you have just made my day by not irritating me! :D


Yes. Gen has a dark side. LIVE WITH IT. or bugger off and leave me and my stomach ALONE.

Poop pee pile pie pop

Thats a line of random words starting with Bs. Ooops, no, its Rs.

I... shouldn't be feeling this way, right?

I shouldn't. but i do. ~_~ Shoot.

And you know. Seriously, Lord. Seriously. What kind of test is this?! I hate it that i feel like i'm failing at Your tests. This test, i can see, has been carefully sculpted. So carefully. Even the "requirements" that i'm not conscious of. How is it even possible? HOW and WHERE in the world do you find an asian guy who speaks English so well? who has Reading as an interest? Loves Coffee? Family Oriented? Has a direction in life? Doesn't go "Huh?" at the word 'Logistics'? Whose personality profile complements mine? Recognises his own flaws? Isn't thick skinned, but yet, isn't afraid to BE thick skinned? Has been a Christian ALL HIS LIFE? Has such a good sense of humor? Knows how to have a good laugh? Likes SALTED popcorn? And EVEN HIS FAVOURITE COLOUR IS THE SAME AS MINE.

I can imagine if we got married in the future, we can all expect a Yellow car, yellow walls, yellow rooms, yellow furniture, yellow pots, and yellow pillow cases.

Lord, are you freaking kidding me? WHY. WHY NOW. WHY THIS. WHY.

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Argh. i feel like Job. And i'm so thankful that Lord, You're not the kind of God that demands us to be all polite and proper. I'm so thankful that You desire honesty. And you allow us to... talk to you. Yes, i'm so thankful that You listen. You answer prayers. You help Your people. And Father, Pleasepleaseplease, show me. Show me what You want me to learn from this whole.. L-arc.

: (

WHHHHHHHHHYYYYYY

HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN. stupid careless me. *kicks self*

I pray that a kind soul will find my wallet and bring it to the police.

O dear Lord, Help me. Please. I feel utterly demoralized.

Concluding GAG

So :) Gavin, Aaron and I spent an evening together - once again, at Ma La Steamboat, and then HK cafe right next door. We're trying to make that our norm.

And, of course, after spending a few hours together, there has to be some sort of conclusion, so here:

Aaron: Aaron, being so smart, was the first one to make us realise that Mermaids can't have sex. The only way for a mermaid to have sex is if the bodies switch, meaning a fish top-body, and a human lower-body. This makes men not wanna have sex with Mermaids.

Gavin: Gavin's abs are in fact, his ribs.

Gen: is irritatingly stubborn. and needs to dress up more.

There we have it :)


I thank God for Gavin and Aaron - because they're SO extremely different in their very own ways, but yet - so.. similar. I value their honesty, how we can be all quirky and weird, and..
the fact that i don't have to pretend to be the bubbliest person alive when i'm with them. And God knows how much i value that. I thank God that they are my friends, my loves.

Before Poly started, i remember i prayed and fasted for God to provide friends who'll meet my every need. Now that poly has ended, I can say - with all my heart and soul and might - that God is faithful, God is good, God is Amazingly Accurate. :) What the heck, God's timing is ALWAYS perfect. Do i hear an Amen?

I know i'm currently going through another season in my life - changes are rampant, more than usual, and i'm struggling to adapt to those changes. It has not been easy, God knows. But i know that God is my provider, my strength, my hope, and He loves me for me. :) Thats more than enough.. its more than enough.

All the nations come,
They bow and sing Your majesty, forever.
- Paradise Band

and God said, Come to Me - all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

I am sorry. I am sorry if my actions have led you on. I am sorry if i have - in any way - caused you to feel whatever. I should've said no, should've had more self-control, should've learn not to cross the line.

I'm sorry.

Now - all that i have to do, is to wait - for the opportunity to tell you that.

O my.

Its Today!

And thank you for listening. and sharing. : )

I'm shivering all over!

Just let me keep my memories. And stop judging me.

I don't know why, but i just want to do this. Lets have two - Pig and Lion.

- postings removed -

A few mental Post-its

Gek: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR. I WANNA SEE!

Xuan: PCAFEG

Gavin & Aaron: WHEN ARE WE MEETING?!

Nat: I'm so sorry babe. So so sorry!

Debbie: WHERE DID YOU DISAPPEAR TO!? Are you hiding amongst clumps of broccoli?

Gen: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!?

When my brain goes blank and my heart goes bust.

This week has been one BIIIIIG week. LOOOOOOOOOOOONG week.

There were so many times where i really felt like crying. And i thank Akira for lending me his ears to listen to stuff thats totally irrelevant.

But anyhow. This week has been one of the longest. Camps for five days, and an event to run on saturday. Plus work on Sunday. I wonder - how did i even make it through.

Thank you Jesus. for strength, for showing me Your faithfulness, for showing me how weak i am - without You.

I truly truly truly believe that if it weren't for Jesus, I would be lying 6 feet under a tombstone. Hence, my gratefulness.


On a separate issue,

I felt happy when you sounded happy. thing is, i don't want to feel that way, I don't want anything more than a friendship. Perhaps a good and strong bond, but nothing more. I don't want to feel that way towards anyone - not now, just not now.

So don't. Don't be nice, don't open doors, don't send me home, don't make me laugh, don't do the stuff that you do.

Because i don't want to ruin this, this is good - better than anything i've come across/stumbled upon. I want this to work, and thats why i know - nothing can happen, not now.

Just not now.

Change Change Change Poof

Things change all the time. Emotions change, people change, opinions change, characters change, situations change.


Life is hard, everything seems hard.

I hate Mas Selamat.

Period.

When time changes.

Have you ever started off liking someone alot. And before anything can happen, you kind of realise you don't feel THAT crazy about that person anymore?

What Changed?

Sigh.

Meh-Toh-Dees Ply-Mee Gers Skoo Camp.

:) Altho there's still one more day until the end of camp for MGS, I feel that its time to say my thank-yous.

So, here goes:

To my dearest Facilitators.

Rui Xiang (DeBriefer) - I can't stress how impressive you were. This, being your first time facilitating for LE, I admire your gungho-ness and the maturity you bring to this camp. Even as you "debriefed" the girls, whatever you said - i took as a lesson for myself too. And I'm thrilled i brought you in to LE, because i can see you go far in this. You were definitely a great support, and i hope we get to work together some time again! :) Thank you.

Alex (Ice-Breakerer) - You really impressed me this time, even though the last time we worked together wasn't that long ago, I felt like you really grew this time. I feel so proud of you! Your confidence and steadiness is something i admire and hope to learn from. Even though we're all a bunch of 'S'es, If i were in your shoes, i'd definitely shy away from being the Ice-breakerer. Nevertheless, I'm really glad we could work together for this camp. PLEASE TAKE CARE, you really scared me after the second session on the 1st day when you said you were not feeling okay. Thank you for being so supportive during the camp, I really really really appreciate it. :) Thank you.

Melnana (Ching! Tu-Ching!) - I don't know how to say it, but - I really appreciated your presence. I truly felt like you were there to support and help me in any way you can during the sessions. And i really really really thank God for you. I prayed that God would bless me with good support and honestly, i was a little worried when i realised that all the facils with me were 'S'es - including myself. I was worried we'd be too slow, too indecisive, too -list all S-traits-, But never would i think that we'd be able to work together so well, its amazing. And i really thank you, for your prayers, your advice, your feedback, and your support. Thank you, Melnana. *CHING!

The rest of the Facils + JiaLing: I didn't get to work with you guys alot, but nevertheless, THANKYOU :)
I'm sure we all have learnt alot from this camp. Maybe in the future we'll get the opportunity to work together!
JiaLing: Since your lub-language is Gifts ah, I'll buy you kopi at kopi-been someday soon. :D I lub lub iieu manyx manyx!

To: Melvin
Thank you, Thank you thank you thank you - for believing in me, for trusting me (to take the P5s. not an easy bunch), for your advice (that is so readily given), for knowing me - the way i work, the way i communicate and everything else. Thank you for being my "Godly counsel", whatever we talked about in the Taxi (1st day) was really encouraging. The way you teach, share, engage, adapt, pacify, educate, manage and delegate never fails to amaze me. Just watching you de-brief and all, stresses that i still have SO MUCH to learn - and i will learn, so maybe i can be as good as you one day! :) I thank you for being so supportive. Thank you :)


And all the above was typed with alot of love.

Guess What

I'm Going :)

disappointments are inevitable, but that doesn't mean i don't fear them.

I fear disappointment. i fear it like i fear worms. And if you know me, i fear worms. its not a normal fear, its a punch-you-in-the-head, run-around-and-pee-in-your-pants, kind of fear.

and i fear disappointment.

Because, i don't know how to deal with it. Because i take ages to get over it. Because i don't know how to talk to the people who disappoint me. Because i don't know how to face those who disappoint. Because. it IS - disappointment.

And i don't know - what to say, what to do, when to do, how to do. Tell me how, tell me how. I feel like taking a walk outside by myself. I feel like calling that somebody. I wanna be alone. I don't wanna talk, i don't wanna laugh, i don't wanna listen, i don't wanna do anything.

Just give me my space to deal with the disappointments that came smacking in my face today. Give me time to find a way to get over this.
Give me my freedom to decide what i wanna do, how i wanna do, when i wanna do.

I will find a way, i will find my strength, i will get through this.

But until then, just let me be.

A little bit of disorganised randomness

My weird father. and me.

So today, i was walking to the bathroom, preparing for my shower. And papa was in the kitchen. (the toilet is in the kitchen)

So i entered the toilet,

Me: *notices a big piece of paint dangling from the ceiling*

Me: Ah! Papa! The ceiling is peeling!

Papa: *walks over and looks at the peel* Why!? Why peel?!

Me: -_- Because everytime i step into the toilet, i can't help but jump and scratch the ceiling.

Papa: Why!? Why is your hand so itchy?! ha?!

Me and Papa: Hehehehehehe hahahahahahahahaha.

- end of conversation -

Its kinda cool. Warped-ly cool.

the silver lining to my stiff neck day

I can't believe you called :)

WOW-HE-SMSED + Stiff neck day

:D It took me a while to realise who the sender was. And I am of course, happy.

And. O my, O my. I feel like you feel that way, because of the things you said. But no, no no, I must hold back.

O no, O no. This is bad, because i actually think you feel the same way i do.


Bad. bad baaaaaaad.

ANd plus the Stiff Neck - Urgh.

On a separate note...

This is for the issue that has been bothering me for the past few days resulting in my lack of sleep.


I have decided, that it wouldn't matter if i go or not.

Honestly, i would think that it'll be better if i didn't go. Because what i want - is a friendship.

And i thank Melina because she reminded me that by going, i'm allowing myself the opportunity to take this one step deeper - which may not be the best for now.

Of course, if he still wants/needs - i'm still available. But in any case if there's an alternative, i'd wanna build a Friendship - over books and coffee at Borders : ) More than anything.

SEE- OH- EL

So today is LOM's Celebration of Learning - which is something like a Graduation Party for the seniors, organised by the Juniors.

I arrived late because of my involvement at Nanyang Girls High. Anyhow :) The juniors put up a skit, and some videos, and there was the food - and then more music and videos. Then there was the.. Prize-giving Ceremony - Where i won the..... ermm.

ermmmmm..

Best Radiant Smile?

I wonder how that happened. *Wails and flails flabby arms: SSAAABOOOOTAAAAAAAAGGGGGGEEE~*

Anyway, during all the music videos and everything, it suddenly hit me that all of us are parting ways. Cliche and cheesy as it sounds, one can't help feeling that way, because that's all there is to feel.

There's so many people i'm gonna miss seeing in Lectures. So many lecturers i'm gonna miss seeing in Lectures. So many things i'm gonna miss doing in Lectures.

Poly has indeed been fruitful, and I'm so happy that i chose Logistics, because i've had my best days there. Best days, filled with the best laughters, best gossips, best teases, best bores, best people, best loves.

I thank all LOM lecturers. You have made Poly what it is, and cheesy as it sounds, LOM wouldn't be the same without you quirky lecturers (who happen to be the BEST and FASTEST gossipers. better than us.) You might not know, but sometimes, the stories from your working experiences that you share with us during tutorials and lectures serve as a real encouragement for me - simply because i've heard countless nasty stories about the working world, and just knowing that you guys were able to solve, strive and survive it all motivates me to want to do well and make it big in the Logistics World.

I thank Mr. Lum for telling us to go for our passion. And i really do hope i will one day achieve my goal - which is to save some animals - Yes, Mrs Pang will argue that this isn't a SMART Goal (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-based - OKAY i'm just guessing. off the top of my head.), nevertheless, it is still a goal, and i wanna attain it - even if i'm 89 years old. I'll go save some elephants, and bears. Because i believe thats where my heart is.

And as all Lecturers preached, YES YES YES, we'll definitely be in touch. : )


Here's to all the Lecturers of Temasek Polytechnic - Business School's Logistics and Operations Management Diploma Course -

Nothing says it better than - Thank you : )

Googling Boogling Wooogling OOOOooooogling

OMY.

Sometimes its best not to google stuff online. Especially when the search engine churns out other people's pictures and you have weegek sitting opposite you - commenting on how guys like to show off and who not to talk to during the event.

NO. NONONO. O NOOOOOOOOO.

this is making me nervous. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH.


WEEGEK! >:(

I feel so nervous i'm shivering all over. Even my insides are shaking like jelly-wellies. Like.. agar agar. I can't decide if i want to or not. Its not a big thing though.








Who am i kidding.

If it isn't a big thing i wouldn't be brogging about it. O no. i feel so screwed.


But then again, no harm... right?


YA. NO HARM, NO BARM. Everyone says to go. OF COURSE I WANNA GO. but then again, i don't wanna go.

Okay, i'm thinking too much.






Okay.





Let me go back to thinking.



Who was the one who brought in the word that rhymes with Moo. and Boo. and Coo.

Small Things that Make My Day

I can list a whole list of stuffs that make me happy/make my day. but i think i'm gonna restrict myself to 10 (for the moment).

1. Cool gloomy Grey days

2. Brown Paper bags

3. A good read

4. Long bus rides

5. Night winds/breezes

6. Stray dogs and cats

7. Not having emails to reply to

8. Hearing songs i know on the radio

9. Long conversations accompanied with coffee and some love

10. Indulging in Popcorn, Peanut Butter, or Chocolat Au Noir


Okay, thats ten. I most definitely have more. :) But i'll leave that for some other day.

The many happenings after one's last paper.

Chalet was great :) I don't like reciting all that we've did - every single event or conversation in order. So i'm not going to. But here's what we did - in a not-very-big nutshell.

We:

1. Took afternoon naps
2. Played Password, Pictionary, Murderer-kind-of-game
3. Told ghost stories
4. Watched Brothers and Sisters, Scary Movie 1, Scream 1-3, Friends, Dead Silence
5. Ate alot of chips
6. Drank some
7. Gossiped (Bad bad bad.)

But, overall, even though we didn't do much, i believe it was time well spent.

I now know that:

1. Aaron likes pretending to be drunk
2. Gavin's expectations for horror movies is unreachable/unmeetable/un-something-able.
3. Many of us have many common opinions on CERTAIN stuff/people
4. Aaron farts alot. Audible farts.
5. Xuan LOVES pictionary
6. Debbie is totally in love with the RFID thing - so much so, she can use RFID in a murder story.
7. Debbie can win the Oscars, Emmy Awards, BAFTAs. Her acting skills plus RFID stories is mind-blowing.

Yes, and just today i went out to meet someone i've never met before.

And i'm happy :)