God has heard

Jesus. Love of my life.

Something happened during MGS camp. And on the third day of camp i finally cried it out with Ros by my side (i Love you Ros.) I know some would say it isn't a bad thing, or it isn't wrong. But, it is. Because the Bible says so.

I felt so convicted. And i know it is nothing more than a spiritual attack. Because i could really sense that i was drawing closer to God, Depending more on Him, Trusting Him more, and Loving Him more. And because i was growing, i got spiritually attacked.

I know, i know. Non-believers would think i'm talking gibber-gubber. But believe me, the Devil is real as can be. Just wait and see.

Logic is, if you're not a threat to the Kingdom of darkness (i.e. Not growing spiritually) why would the devil even bother with you. See. The spiritual Realm is a spooky place. But with God's holy presence, i believe, there's nothing to fear. NOTHING.

Anyway. i was on the cab, still feeling and thinking about everything. and The Holy Ghost brought to mind, what Jackie Pullinger said. She said, Everyone has a race to run, and everyone's race is different. No one said the race would be easy, No one. And of course, it will be difficult, there'll be times where you'll trip, stumble and fall. Its okay to fall, its okay to finish your race with bloody knees. Because what matters is that you pick yourself up, and finish the race for Jesus.

And i teared in the cab, Knowing those were God's exact words for me - "It's okay to fall." i knew i had fallen. i knew it from day one. but i refused to admit it. And when i finally did, i felt so convicted.

My spirit was so broken, when i reached the Church Encounter and felt God's holy presence, i couldn't help but cry. and all i did was cry. and i thank God for my spiritual family who hugged me and cried with me even though they knew not what i was crying about. Thats what a spiritual family is for. They're a bunch of people who'll bring you an umbrella in a storm, and possibly get wet with you.

And truly, for the first time, i truly felt my broken spirit. and i cried. and told God i didn't want whatever it was. i Didn't was whatever it was that happened. And God, hahahha, He truly works wonders.

Whatever it was that happened, I'm healed, restored, and i'm resting in the love of God's embrace.

I confessed whatever there was to confess, and i repented. and i'm forgiven! :D

I know. To all you non-believers, you may think i'm kinda nuts-ish about this Whole God-Jesus Thing. To tell you the truth, i Am. i really am. and i wanna go Nuts about God and Jesus and The Holy Spirit.

You think i'm nuts-ish because you think its only a religion, only a belief, and you feel that way because you think you can work things out with your own strength. But dear friend. Christianity, is not a religion. i know. Tons of people say it. But have you ever considered why they say it?

Because its really really not a religion. Its not a belief. Its a Life. its MY life. I know everyone knows there are stuff you can't control, Aren't you scared that there are things you can't control? Who doesn't like to know that everything is in control? But fact of the matter is. Life doesn't work that way. I know it, and you do too.

And come on, Who doesn't know that Life comes with troubles? Its sort of like a package, isn't it? I'm not saying Life as a Christian would be free-and-easy, trouble-free. No. Who ever said that is lying right smack in your face. and yes, you can laugh at that person's face if he/she tells you that.

Everyone's lives comes with troubles, preiods of depression, financial difficulties, emotional struggles, mental breakdowns, i'm sure there are tons more. Whose life doesn't come with all these added ingredients?

Christians get that crap too, all the time. But we know, we know that there's someone there we can depend on, we know that someone's got our back, we know that that someone will never stab us in the back and run away. And needless to say, that someone is Jesus. So, What harm is there, in knowing someone as good as such?

I thank God for my spiritual Family. Everyone. Aunty Betty ( my Spiritual Mummy.), aunty Sophia, Callie, Nancy, Fiona, Jessie, Soh Eng, Prescilia, Sarah, Amy, Geok Yan, Charlyn, Charon, And auntie Pauline. I'm thankful to all. i know there're more. MUCH MUCH MANY MANY more. i love you all.

(i think this is a long post.)

Sure. there are times i think of the possibility of disobeying God, and do what my emotions tell me to. But then i think about abandoning my faith, and everything else of the world grows faint. Because i cannot imagine my life without Jesus. I just can't. Who am i gonna think about when i wake up in the morning? Where will i be going in life? What are my goals gonna be? What am i gonna do? Who am i gonna talk to when i'm sad? Who do i ask for for friends when i need them? Who's gonna be there when everything else fails? When my friends stab me in the back, when my love ones leave me, when everything else crashes, Who's gonna be there? i can't. i can't imagine a life without Jesus. i just can't.

I'm going to heaven when i die. and i can't wait for that day. i don't think there's anything wrong in saying that. Because that's THE day. Its the day i'm gonna meet Jesus, its the day i'm gonna see His face, its the day.