God has heard

Let me blog about something i've never mentioned to anyone. Its nothing more than a memory. But it is one that i've kept for almost five years.

Nanny and i were Chatting over dinner, and she said she's dreamt about mummy thrice ever since she passed away. I've only dreamt about mummy twice. And nanny said that her heart still aches whenever she thinks about mummy because Mummy didn't smoke, didn't drink, but she was diagnosed with Stage 4 - Lung Cancer.

Mummy had a small cough, which worsened into a big cough, and then an even bigger cough. and finally when she went to TTS's A&E, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. And a mere hundred days later, she passed away.

I remembered that night, whilst i was watching the tee alone at home, my uncle called and told me to come to the hospital immediately because the doctor's final call was that my mum had only a few hours left. i remembered grabbing box of tissue and the doll my mummy bought for me, running out of the house, flagging a cab, and then crying in the taxi. I must have freaked the taxi driver out.

Then upon reaching the hospital, my uncle was there at the lobby already, he paid for my cab, and hurriedly walked towards the lift. i had to jog to keep up. His face was all stern. "Your mummy only has a few hours left. Go keep her company." I remembered being silent. When i reached the ward, i saw alot of people crowding around my mum. Some were sobbing, some were whispering, everyone had that ONE sad look on their faces. When they saw me, everyone turned and said with outstretched arms, "Come, Come, come and see your mummy."

I saw my uncle (mum's brother) sitting on the floor beside mummy's bed, with his head rested on his knees. My dad, grandma and aunt (mum's sister) had puffy eyes. And i saw my mum, small, frail and greying. Lying in her bed, expressionless. She fell into a coma a few days before. I cried.

All of us were with her all night, I remembered sleeping next to her bed whilst holding her hand. Every hour i'd wake up to see if she was still breathing.

The next morning, all i remembered was Papa saying he's gonna bring mummy home. Home, not heaven-home. but Hougang-Home. so i went back first, and the ambulance sent mummy home. She laid in her own room, in her own chair. (Its the chair that Mr. Tan always use for LOMe Process chart or something. YES. THAt chair.)

I remembered when everyone left the room and went downstairs, i was in the room with mummy alone. For some reason, i went to the bathroom, got some hot water and a small towel, and i wiped mummy's feet. Her feet looked funny, all bloated from the Chemo, and her toes were a little black because her blood's not circulating well anymore.

I wiped her cold feet with hot water, but they still stayed cold. i wiped her hands. Cold hands. after i was done, i stood beside her for a while.

I felt scared, for some reason. And i whispered, Mummy, I love you. And i remembered thinking "Its okay to go, Mummy" And i left the room.

A while later, a small group of church friends came, and worshipped God in the room where my mummy was. Then, In the sweet presence of Jesus, Mummy left.